What is month of July like? I know this question begs me to bring about some hefty analogies to make sense of the meaning that I have about the month of July in my mind. For starters, I would say that Month of July is to a year, like the twenty sixth years of your life to your twenties. It comes just after half the year is done. When July is done, you start to judge yourself more and it keeps increasing towards the end of the year.
I remember my 26th year of life, it was good still I was mad at it. It doesn’t matter if longer life entice you or not, the best of the life is before you turn thirty. Every year, July remind of the impending decay that is life. By the end of the year, everyone will start to count their achievements and they will ask me to participate in the filthy practice. That is such a terrible dilemma and July bring the demise of my peace of mind to surface. Before July, the troubles you create don’t trouble you back and all the consequences are stacking up on the side. We all choose not look at the daft side of things and let the consequences stack up into a huge pile. As soon as we are ahead of middle of the year, we have to look back at the things that we had started. We can’t just move forward obliviously anymore and we have to see the end of all the terrible ideas we had set to execute in the start of the year. At this point abandoning those ideas is not worthy, time is tricky like that. The time wasted on failing endeavours becomes a reason for wasting more time on those endeavours.
It all comes to expecting the loss and redirecting your journey toward ever changing new aspirations and goals but alas, we are not accustomed to doing it. It’s a common practice to sulk over the failures than to look forward to new horizons.
This remind me of a story which I have not heard from anyone but I found it sailing through my mind. Funnily it involves a man who had sailed over treacherous tides of wild oceans.
A man sailed the oceans to a far away country in search of better business opportunities. A year passed by and he was nowhere near any worthwhile success. He had left his wife back home in the old country . One day he received a letter from home informing him that his wife was about to die and she did not have much longer to live, according to the physician. He decided to sail back home to see his wife before she dies but he could not reach in time.
He lived a sad life of a drunkard and died lonely but to his surprise he found himself back in the foreign country again. Before he could recover from this shock, he found the letter again informing him of the fatal ailment of his wife. He sailed again and this time, outcome did not alter. He was late and again he lived a miserable lonely life. This happened again and again. Every time it made him sicker than before. The trauma was unbearable as it kept adding up. Every time, it would start with him finding the letter and then boarding the ship to see his dying wife but he would be late every time. He had realised of the curse that had been put upon him after around 30 times it happened. He decided to not act on it because he thought if he defy the rules of the game, maybe whoever put the curse on him would kick him out of the game and it will all be over. His misery would come to an end. So this time he did not go back to his home country.
He was wrong as it was not enough and this dire loop of him coming back to the same spot and reliving a terrible life did not stop. After a couple of times, he decided to up the ante and he added a new act of defiance to this. Not only he didn’t open the letter at all this time, he also went ahead and married a local woman within a few months of this and lived a happy life ever after. There was no contact from his first wife back from home. He was blessed with couple of sons and a daughter and he died a happy man with newly found local woman. He thought this would definitely end the horrible game that fate had been playing with him.
Still to his dismay, he woke up again. Same place, same situation but he was resilient and he kept on creating a happy life every time he woke up after dead. Eventually he got so frustrated with this, he could not bear the monotony anymore. Yet he kept doing it. Around his seventieth reincarnation he opened the letter from his first wife out of boredom and to his shock, the letter did not say anything about the deadly ailment of his wife. By this time in the recent reincarnation he had already married the local woman so the situation was way more complicated than his nerves could handle.
Fate had played the most cruel trick and he had no way of know since when did the letter start to change. Was it last 20 lives or more, maybe 50 lives while he chose to leave her each time. Although if she had been alright such many times, why did she never tried to contact him twice. There was no way of knowing. He decided to wait and see, if another letter ever comes but it never did. His peril had lasted thousands of years now and he was unimaginably drained at this point. In all these lived he had imagined the worst of things but he had never imagined that fate would flip like this for him.
So he waited this turn as well to see if the letter comes again but he died waiting for it. So in the next turn he travelled back right away as soon he opened the letter and he found out that his wife was not sick. He just wanted to see the other side of the story. He had faced the ugly side so many times that he could not let go of it now. When he reached back home, he found his wife well and sound. He waited a few days and then he told her the whole story. He told her the thousands of years worth of chronicles and expected that she would believe him. She reacted mildly to it which was very unsettling for him so he asked her why is that. His wife told him that, it was she who wanted for him to live a better life.
Life can be such sluggish toll because someone wished good for you, he had never imagined. His peril had chased him too many lives for it to bearable in the slightest. There had not be a seize to his existence despite him wishing for so long time and this anguished him to the core. Suffering in the redundant hell of a life, he had never wished for such a cruel closure.
Month of July elevates the sombre mundanity, which is the essence of life. Whatever has happened will not happen again but something similar, equally depressing will happen again for sure. July points and yells at the obscure trepidations of the future that is equally bleak as the past.
Sentience requires nothing but acceptance from you. Don’t you fight it, the inevitable is staring at the back of your head. Don’t turn around, it’s futile. Make peace with it, a bit and distract yourself till the inevitable come to fruition.
Why even bother? Right?
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